two funny scenes does not a decent comedy make

SUPERHERO MOVIE
Drake Bell, TJ Singh
Dimension Films

Rating: N/A – The freaking theatre owes me five popcorns.

The greatest Superhero movie of all time! Not counting all the others.

At least it was honest from the get go.

I’ve never been a fan of spoof movies but I felt I needed some cheering up last weekend so I decided to watch Supehero Movie thinking that I’ll get at least a hundred fifty Pesos worth of laughs from it. I’ve never been more dead wrong.

The film follows the steps of the Scary Movie series and appears as the parody or satire of the supehero genre movies like the Spiderman and X-Men trilogies, as well as Fantastic Four. However, it is misleading to use such terms as those would at the very least, imply an attempt for wit which the movie clearly had none.

I chose Superhero Movie over The Other Boleyn Girl with the presumption that I’ll just sit comfortably and watch the film. No character analysis, no allusion deciphering, no freaking heavy drama. However, I was forced to stay alert throughout the entire film in an attempt to figure out why they it was classified as a comedy. Or a movie for that matter.

I only genuinely laughed twice – and both should be credited to Leslie Nielsen (one was the scene with Nielsen firing a nail gun on the black guy’s hand and the other was when Drake Bell was kneeling on the balls of the then-dying Nielsen. You must be there for it to be funny.). Tired gags and lame pop references? Seriously, Craig Mazin? Considering that I’m already mababaw.

I got more kicks from the couple who walked in halfway through the film and chose, of all the seats available, to sit in my far right. Obviously, they just went in to make out. And they did – complete with the wet, slurping sounds. Ugh. They must have been so loud and obvious that it warranted a patrol from the security guard.

The movie really sucked and the only thing that stopped me from leaving was my ill-attempt to find out if that filled-out spandex costume is all Bell.